Fun, funky even wacky, these are words you might use to describe the Canyon Roadhouse not far from the Fish River Canyon in southern Namibia. Staid, dull and prim are definitely not. In fact, if you don’t have a sense of humour or a fondness for grinning like a basketful of baboons, don’t bother to visit; the place will be wasted on you.
Mastermind behind this offbeat utopia for petrolheads is The Gondwana Collection, especially brand director Manni Goldbeck, whose passion lies behind the stockpiling of the vehicles that throng the space. Not just classic cars from the mid 20th Century but also motorbikes, trucks, a tractor or two, some old identifier plaques from steam trains, and other transport bits and bobs. Think auto nostalgia meets quirky wonderland. Understated it’s not.
The bar is also festooned with hundreds of motor vehicle licence plates, some of them from as far afield as Canada and Alaska. ‘People bring them to trade for Namibian plates,’ the barman told us.
Reception? Picture a big ol’ truck waiting to greet you. Scattered around are classic rides like a bulbous two-tone Chevvy with a dickie seat, a cherry-red Morris Minor, even a steam-powered tractor. They’re put to good use too. Some cars double as fireplaces because, you know, winter can’t kill the vibe here. One truck’s bonnet sits open to hold the Continental breakfast buffet, another wagon holds chafing dishes with the hot breakfast.
Pull up a chair at one of the tables and feast your eyes on an old Shell fuel pump, a dark green Fargo, a Mercedes ambulance. Watch out for signs like ‘Parking for Italians Only’ and ‘Land Rover Parking Only’ with threats of towing or crushing. Rewind time with posters advertising brands like Trabant, Turtle Wax, Valvoline and Thunderbird.
Some signs are designed to amuse: ‘Ride free – you’ll never see a [motor]bike outside a shrink’s office’ or ‘My wife said I never listen – at least that’s what I think she said’. If you finish a meal here without your neck in a kink from swivelling around to take them all in, you just haven’t soaked up the full experience.
Up there on the wall, among Marlene Dietrich, Mae West and Marilyn Monroe movie posters, among dated ads for Borax Extract of Soap and Coppertone, was an enormous portrait of a rather dishy dude with abs that would look good on a Men’s Health cover. We briefly made eye contact before I noticed the box nailed to the wall over his unmentionables. It had a little door with a handle, and a story warning why you shouldn’t open it. If you do – as one does of course – a siren goes off and a warning light flashes. The Roadhouse wins another bout.
Outside is a car lover’s paradise too. A robust quiver tree sprouts from the engine bay of one rusty car, a thorn tree from the boot of another. Wolseley, Mercedes and Cadillac vegetate in the arid garden, one filled with a mound of soil and an errant weed, another home to nesting mice. But somehow these rusting bodies that share space with rocks, aloes and other succulents have evolved into a zany dust-and-rust artscape.
Don’t be surprised if you spot a gemsbok or two roaming the grounds looking for camelthorn-pod snacks. Remember that the lodge is part of the Gondwana Canyon Park, which is unfenced. It’s wild around here in more ways than one.
PS Those of you treating yourselves to a night at a lodge to break the monotony of camping or self-catering will be pleased to know that there’s shaded parking under solar panels and – best of all – plug-points at the parking so you can keep your camping fridge running for a hassle-free stay. You’ll also no doubt be keen to hear that there’s wifi.
Things to do at Canyon Roadhouse
1. Admire old vehicles and auto memorabilia
2. Enjoy a meal or a drink
Enjoy a meal at the restaurant where tables are sprinkled among the old vehicles. You can also eat under shade umbrellas or soft lighting on the terrace outside. If you love old cars, don’t miss a visit, even if only for lunch and a tour of the collection on your way to or from the Fish River Canyon (see point 5).
3. Drive a 4×4 trail
If you have a 4×4, drive the self-guided 4×4 //Garas Trail between Canyon Roadhouse and its sister, Canyon Lodge. It’s well signposted and should take you 2.5 to 3 hours one way, depending on how often you stop to admire the view and take photos. Then it’s about a 23km drive back along the main gravel road. Expect stunning scenery with wide views of rocky koppies, quiver trees, and animals like mountain zebra and giraffe. It’s best done early morning when it’s not too hot and the golden light is perfect for photos.
Go on a guided sunrise hike in the Gondwana Canyon Park. A vehicle will drive you to a spot where you can watch the always impressive Namibian sunrise while you scoff coffee and rusks. Afterwards, you’ll enjoy an hour’s walk back to the lodge before the heat begins to bite.
If you prefer to be independent, choose one of the self-guided walks at Canyon Roadhouse. There’s a 1.5km walk to a sunset point on a hill behind the lodge or you can do the full circular 4.5km trail that starts and ends back at the lodge.
5. See the Fish River Canyon
6. Cool down at the pool
7. Take a guided sunset drive
We loved the sunset drive through the 100 000ha Gondwana Canyon Park with guide Aina Kanapawa Kwedhi. It’s a chance to see and learn about euphorbia plants, a wealth of quiver trees bristling with sociable weaver nests, and animals like Hartmann’s mountain zebra, springbok, giraffe, gemsbok, blackbacked jackal (the only predator here) and scrub hare.
‘We had no rain last year, but a sprinkling a few weeks back has brought some grass for the zebras,’ she told us. Although they can survive a week without water if there’s green food, there’s an artificial waterhole fed by a borehole. Animals like gemsbok and springbok are particularly well-adapted to the dry conditions.
The final stop was at a sunset spot. We enjoyed G&Ts and a flurry of sunset and quiver tree silhouette photography…