Dating in my context doesn’t tend to produce good results. Even though the word “dating” isn’t found in the Bible, I do believe we’re given principles to prepare ourselves for marriage. Furthermore, I don’t think that the Bible prohibits Christians from dating. In this article I provide three biblical principles for dating.
The Bible warns us against conforming to the pattern of this world.
The Bible warns us against conforming to the pattern of this world (Romans 12:1). Some conclude that this is an argument against dating. But surely we can date in a way that is pleasing to God? If the primary goal of Christian dating is to find a spouse, isn’t that already quite different from the world’s view of dating? Following the principles below, dating can be a venture that is concerned with godliness, an expression of wisdom, full of prayer and carried out in community. In short, dating can honour God. But only if the end goal is a God-honouring marriage from the get-go, instead of going with the flow.
God is only glorified in dating when a young man dates his lady the way God instructs. So don’t play games. Don’t ask what you can get out of it, especially not physical satisfaction of any kind. Your primary goal should be godliness.
1. Date a Believer
The Bible encourages us to marry in the Lord. God often warned Israel about mixed marriages (Exodus 34:10-16; Deuteronomy 7:1-4; Joshua 23:11-13). In the New Testament we are commanded to avoid unnecessary unions with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). If we are required to marry in the Lord, we are expected to date in the Lord too. Remember: dating is a means of discernment, helping one decide whether you should marry this person or not.
If we are required to marry in the Lord, we are expected to date in the Lord too.
Obviously, she or he must be a born-again Christian. However, your partner mustn’t only profess Christianity by mouth, but also by their actions. They must be a person actively pursuing the Lord. When you date someone who isn’t fully committed to Christ you are inviting disaster, both in the dating and potential marriage relationship.
2. Be Accountable
In your dating, you need accountability. You need to be accountable to someone outside the relationship. This is a way to be responsible, to ensure you appropriately love the person you’re dating. It is a commitment to consciously choose godliness and invite challenging questions.
Accountability a commitment to consciously choose godliness and invite challenging questions.
In the first place, we ought to prayerfully depend on God when we date. For we are always accountable to him (Romans 14:12; Hebrews 4:13). But that should be extended to disclosing your relationship to others, leaders in your church, Christian friends and family. Of course, the people you choose should be people that both of you trust.
Accountability also shows that you are serious about the person you are dating. Over the years I’ve observed many Christians being private about their dating, to the extent that no one even knows they’re dating. More often than not this ends up in hurt, especially for women. It also leaves a lot of room for sin. This is a terrible witness to our Lord. As Christians we must “hate what is wrong” (Romans 12:9).
3. Focus on Being More Like Christ
One final principle in dating is that we ought to help the other person in their faith (Proverbs 15:23, 28, 30). Jesus Christ is our identity. Our chief purpose in this life is to be like him (1 Corinthians 11:1). In our daily walk with him, therefore, we learn from him and the Spirit of God helps us, and that happens through another believer by praying together, reading the word together, and confessing your sins to one another in repentance (2 Timothy 3:16; Joshua 1:8; James 5:16; Galatian 6:2).
Sanctification should be evident in your dating relationship.
In Christian dating, we enjoy the benefits of maturing one another in Christ (Colossians 1:28). Christian relationship is not about fun only, but helping each other to be like Christ. Sanctification should be evident in your dating relationship.
Don’t Leave God Out of Your Dating
In the end, Christian dating should be done for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:13). The first question of the Westminster Shorter Catechism is well known. “What is the chief end of man? To glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” As believers we are expected to glorify God with everything we do, which includes our dating. We must do it in such a way that it reflects God’s holiness, faithfulness, mercy, grace, love, and majesty, to name a few of his attributes.
We must date in a way that reflects God’s holiness, faithfulness, mercy, love, and majesty,
Rehearsing it over and over in our minds, we ought to tell others about the singular nature of the salvation God offers. Here again, our dating shouldn’t be excluded. We must point each other towards what is God-honouring and glorifying. Three ways to ensure we do this is by dating a believer, being accountable to others, and desiring for the person we’re dating to become more like Christ.
