I am not a counselling guru. Nor have I read a bunch of books on Christian counselling. But I do have many conversations with Christian leaders. It’s usually in a decent coffee shop and it starts with us shooting the breeze. Eventually, however, the conversation evolves into a discussion about their struggles—both personally and in ministry. Coffee, chat, and counsel; mutually enriching times. But through these chats, I’ve noticed a few emerging patterns.
Let me recount three chats that are not uncommon.
Commonplace, Hyper-Spiritualised Chats
Dave is a youth pastor under serious strain. He has a young family (i.e. sleep deprivation), a demanding ministry load, and he’s falling behind in his ongoing theological studies. There’s also uncertainty about his future ministry prospects. Working at several things, he doesn’t seem to be getting traction in any of them. Fatigue. Distraction. Overwhelm. Trouble sleeping. Low motivation. So I’m concerned. Terms like depression and burnout come to mind, so I encourage him to take a break, cutting the studies, or adjusting ministry commitments.
Jill is a middle-aged Christian woman, and a deaconess in her church. She’s been battling with severe, long-term depression. Her concerned and believing brother has tried to help and encourage her. He approached her with a rigid, counselling template: cease taking antidepressants. He has also advised Jill to write down every known sin in her life and then identify the biblical texts that address them. This should be followed up with confession, prayer, and an active trust in the gospel. None of this seems to be helping Jill. If anything, it’s deepening her despair and feelings of hopelessness.
These are stage-of-life struggles more than spiritual ones. No mystery there.
Rick is a church leader, consumed by conflict and unhappiness at home. He has three children, the youngest is just a few weeks old and very sick. Family dynamics are deeply unhealthy. He and his wife are constantly at loggerheads. Rick knows he’s impatient and grumpy, but feels that his wife too is moody and always tired. Guilt is one of his prevalent feelings. On top of that, his ministry is hugely demanding. So he wonders: What is God teaching me in all of this? Am I missing spiritual lessons? Is God disciplining me?
Don’t Isolate Problems from the Rest of Your Life
Here’s the thing. When Christians really struggle—and all of us will, at different times—it seems that it’s automatically assumed the fundamental problem is a spiritual one. We conclude that something must be wrong in our relationship with God. Our Christian counselling tends to be over-spiritualised. Thus our solutions are merely spiritual, believing the struggles to be spiritual. But that’s hopelessly reductionistic. It’s also dangerously simplistic.
We can’t deal with spiritual problems by ignoring the rest of our lives.
Returning to the examples above, Dave clearly needs to pull back in one or a few areas. Jill is being led to believe that confessing her sins will curtail her depression and suffering, which sounds worryingly like Job’s comforters. If anything, she desperately needs to stick with the medicine prescribed by her health professional. Spiritualising an issue like that and going ‘cold turkey’ isn’t only irresponsible, it’s crazy. Finally, Rick is blind to the issue staring him in the face. His trials and subsequent emotions are circumstantial. There may be more to them, but maybe not. These are stage-of-life struggles more than spiritual ones. No mystery there.
In fact, all three examples reveal the danger of trying to deal with spiritual problems by ignoring the rest of our lives.
Reckon with Your God-Given Complexity
We are spiritual, social, physical, emotional, and mental beings. Those aspects of our humanity aren’t neatly divided up. Rather, they’re profoundly mixed up. We cannot separate each aspect of our personhood from the others into watertight compartments. It’s not at all like that. Each aspect is constantly involved in an intricate interplay with the rest.
God’s work of salvation therefore also involves whole people.
Consider Adam and Eve in the garden, in Genesis 2. They weren’t bubble-wrapped in spirituality. They walked, talked, worked, ate, thought, and worshipped in a real place. Their subsequent rebellion meant they fell holistically, affecting their entire being. God’s work of salvation therefore also involves whole people. He is recreating us holistically; not merely saving our souls.
Why do we fall into the trap of thinking that because we are Christians, every struggle we have has purely spiritual causes? It’s simplistic, unhelpful, and sometimes downright cruel. There’s never just one cause of our ‘spiritual’ ailments. There may be one primary cause, but never just one cause.
Work With the Much Bigger Picture
Holistic ailments always require holistic remedies.
Holistic ailments always require holistic remedies. Here are some of my initial thoughts and questions for your consideration. Please understand that this is not a template. The questions below are merely some of the issues that should be addressed to deal with a Christian as a psychosomatic whole.
- Are you physically healthy?
- Do you take any medication?
- Are you fit?
- How’s your diet?
- Do you exercise? What do you do for exercise?
- How are your relationships with your spouse, kids, co-workers?
- Have you experienced bereavement in your family or close friends in the last while?
- What are you learning about following Jesus as you read the Bible and pray?
- Are you faithful in attendance and serving in your local church?
- Where / how are you being tempted?
- What do you dream of in your moments of free time?
- Do you have a couple of friends, or an accountability partner, that you can share and be vulnerable with?
- How is your time management?
- Are you able to say ‘no’?
- Are you disciplined regarding your use of social media?
- When was the last time you went on holiday?
- How is your financial situation?
- What would your spouse (or closest friend) say about your struggles?
Good News: Maybe Your Struggles Aren’t Mysterious
Back to the chats with my Christian friends. Though they are struggling and feeling thoroughly miserable, I can share some good news with them.
Resisting the hyper-spiritual approach means good news.
First, as is often the case, my friends are so deep in their own minds and circumstances that they can’t see the wood for the trees. I can bring some very necessary perspective. Second, and more importantly, I do this by addressing what seems to be both their biggest anxiety and their default thinking pattern: There must be a serious and fundamental problem with my relationship with God. Frankly, they could be wrong.
When they consider the problem through the filter of a holistic understanding of personhood and the totality of their lives, my friends will probably identify other contributing realities. And they can begin to work through them. Perhaps it’s not so complex and mysterious after all. This is no quick fix. But the critical thing is beginning on the right foundation. So yes, resisting the hyper-spiritual approach means good news.
