Among Leonardo da Vinci’s finest works is the famed Mona Lisa. This 500-year-old painting has been the subject of various attempts at vandalism, ranging from acid (1956) to a ceramic mug projectile (2009), and most recently, soup (2024). What does da Vinci have to do with divorce or marriage? In Genesis 2:24, God made a masterpiece, to which da Vinci’s work cannot compare, and God called it marriage.
Marriage is a portrait of Christ as the bridegroom and the Church as his bride.
In Ephesians 5:31-32, Paul clarifies that marriage is a portrait of Christ as the bridegroom and the Church as his bride. Divorce is the acid hurled upon that portrait, ruining the wonder, defacing it. With the worsening state of divorce on the continent, and the knowledge that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), Christians must stand unequivocally opposed to divorce. However, that isn’t enough.
Yes, God hates divorce. But God is also not pleased with marriages that amount to little more than a wedding band and amicable living arrangements between two roommates. This glorious institution is meant to depict a holy union of bliss and joy. Therefore, we must work hard to make our marriages mirror this reality, more and more.
Working at Your Marriage Will Glorify Christ
The journey begins with taking small steps.
In the Bible, we see that the relationship between Christ and his bride is one of unparalleled love, loyalty, and labour. Jesus paid with his life, to secure his bride; the Church responds in undiluted devotion to him (Ephesians 5:25; Romans 12:1). He sanctifies his bride with his word; the Church responds in sacrificial service to him (John 17:17). Jesus supplies every need for his bride; the Church responds in a smile of satisfaction (1 Thessalonians 5:16-17). Thus, the Bible contains myriad examples of how the relationship between a husband and wife should be described, but the journey from ‘distant’ to ‘delightful’ begins with taking small steps.
Below are three areas where effort and work will ensure that our marriages magnify rather than mar the image of the relationship between Christ and his Church.
1. Centre Your Marriage on Christ
We have all been in a vehicle where the person giving directions is a little too sure of themselves. This usually leads to frustration over wrong turns and bickering over time wasted. Sticking to the directions in the GPS navigation system will ensure you arrive at your destination. Thankfully, God gives us his word, a greater surety through life than Google Maps or Waze.
- Read the Bible and pray together. This will be the compass of a marriage, whether the seas are tame or tempestuous (John 17:17). Spending time communing over God’s word with your spouse will ensure deep intimacy.
- Reach out to an older godly couple with a marriage you admire to be discipled. Other couples have gone through similar struggles and emerged victorious (1 Corinthians 10:13). Godly mentors will help you navigate issues of finances, communication, and intimacy in a way that glorifies Christ.
- Root yourselves in a local church where the Bible is preached and marriage is honoured. Being isolated from the flock makes a sheep an easy target (Hebrews 10:24-25; Proverbs 18:1). Membership in a solid church will provide accountability and a plethora of examples from which you can learn and grow.
2. Cultivate Commitment
Tim Cantrell often says, “Marriage done God’s way works every time.” This is to say that when two Christians are committed to everything God’s word says about marriage and their responsibilities in it, their marriage can never fail.
- Keep the word ‘divorce’ out of your marriage. Rather, tell your spouse every day that you will love them until death. This will make your spouse feel safe and secure in the marriage and will help them be vulnerable and authentic with you.
- Keep your spouse as your top priority, above your children and parents (Genesis 2:24). Only one relationship in the Bible is described as a one-flesh union. Never let your in-laws, parents, or children cause division or keep you from providing the love and support your spouse needs.
- Resolve conflict swiftly and biblically. Remember, you are on the same team striving towards the same goal (Proverbs 17:9). Do not raise your voice. Be quick to ask for forgiveness. But also ensure that you do not avoid confronting issues. A healthy marriage has a balance of overlooking offences and speaking the truth in love with rebuke (Galatians 6:1; Ephesians 4:15).
- Generally speaking, your spouse should have access to all your passwords, accounts, devices, and social media. You are one flesh. So you must strive for that in every area (Genesis 2:24). This will help build accountability, trust, and security. These are the basis for openness and intimacy.
3. Companionship Is Key
In Malachi 2:14, God calls the husband’s wife his “companion.” Your spouse should be your best friend. Excitement will come naturally during the dating or courtship phase; but it will need to be worked at when you’re married. As Joel Beeke says, “Nobody wakes up one morning and is pleasantly surprised to discover that, without any effort on his part, a field of ripe corn has appeared on his property. Likewise, cultivating friendship in marriage is hard work—yet most rewarding.”
- Maintain regular dates. Use those times, among others, to ask questions and keep your finger on the relationship’s pulse (Proverbs 27:23-27). Ask your spouse how they would rate the marriage; what they have enjoyed lately; and where you can improve. Tell them what you love about them.
- Make time to invest in what the other person loves, even if you don’t (1 Corinthians 13:5). Check the schedule of his next sports game and organise a day to watch with him as you ask who the best players on the team are. Ask her to walk you through every step of her recipe and why she chose oregano over parsley, and how it affects the flavours.
- Make it a point to praise your spouse for what they do well. Praise frequently and fervently; criticise reservedly and gently (Proverbs 19:11). Do not just say she is beautiful. Tell her that her eyes sparkle, her skin glows, her hair is lush, and all the ways in which she is attractive to you. Do not just say you love him. Tell him you are thankful for how hard he works to provide, for his resolve in leading the family, and for his courage amid uncertainty. Get specific.
Aim for More Than Not Getting Divorced
Divorce is a product of our hearts’ hardness and sin’s deceitfulness. Despite its effects on the heavenly portrait of marriage, in his love, Christ is willing even to forgive those who are guilty in this area. They must simply repent of any sinful plans to or participation in divorce and run to him.
We mustn’t forget that God hates divorce. But he’s also dishonoured by mediocre marriages.
We must never forget that God hates divorce. But God is also dishonoured by mediocre marriages. So let us strive for Christ-centredness, commitment, and companionship in our marriages. We must do this so that God’s masterpiece would be adored before a watching world and so that we might experience all the joy and satisfaction that he intended for his bride, the Church.