As a student of theology and a young man preparing for future ministry, I write this article with both humility and conviction. It is my sincere desire to reflect on a matter that has become deeply burdensome, not only to me personally but to many young Christians across South Africa and the wider African continent: lobola.
It is necessary to evaluate how traditions function today.
While I fully acknowledge and respect the historical and cultural roots of lobola, I believe it is necessary, especially within the Christian community, to evaluate how this tradition functions today; and to ask whether, in its current form, it upholds or undermines God’s revealed purposes for marriage. Far from suggesting we abandon this longstanding and precious cultural tradition, this article is a call to examine the significant challenges it poses to marriage and family life.
Below, I briefly outline the original, historical purposes of lobola and contrast them with how it’s typically practiced today. We will consider its relevance in contemporary society, how economic changes have impacted the practice, and lobola’s broader social implications. Finally, we will discuss how the Church might respond to the ongoing debate around it.
The Original Intention for Lobola
Historically, lobola was a symbolic gesture of appreciation and honour from the groom to the family of the bride. It expressed gratitude for raising a daughter and signified the uniting of two families through the marriage of their children. This often involved the gifting of a few cattle or goats, and the celebration that followed served to strengthen social bonds between the extended families. In its original context, lobola reflected values like respect and unity, promoting community, all of which align with biblical principles.
Historically, lobola was a symbolic gesture of appreciation and honour.
However, as it exists today, the practice of lobola has undergone a significant transformation. In many cases, it has become an expensive and transactional negotiation, driven by financial gain rather than relational honour. What was once a cultural symbol of familial unity has, sadly, become a stumbling block for many young people seeking to honour the Lord through marriage.
The Present-Day Burden
In contemporary society, especially within impoverished communities, lobola has become a major barrier to marriage. I speak from personal experience when I say this; the moment one expresses the desire to marry, the immediate question is: “Do you have the money?” For many, the required amount, sometimes exceeding the amount of R60 000 (more than US$3 000), is simply unattainable—especially in a country facing deep economic challenges.
Lobola has become a major barrier to marriage.
This financial burden is compounded by the additional expectations of a traditional wedding: the purchase of traditional attire and gifts for the bride’s family. These costs are then often further compounded by those of a typical Western-style wedding. As a result, many young believers are forced to either delay marriage indefinitely; opt for civil unions devoid of family support; or, most troublingly, abandon the idea of marriage altogether, leading to cohabitation, unwed parenthood, and other forms of relational instability.
This trend has grave implications for the Church and for society. It weakens the foundation of the family, which the Bible consistently presents as the God-ordained environment for nurturing children, modelling covenantal love, and sustaining moral order (Deuteronomy 6:6-7; Ephesians 6:1-4).
Theological Reflection on Marriage and Culture
Marriage, as instituted by God, is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6). It is not merely a social construct, but a divine ordinance meant to reflect Christ’s relationship with his Church (Ephesians 5:31-32). Thus, it’s deeply concerning when cultural traditions, however meaningful in their original form, begin to obstruct or contradict this divine design.
Well-intended customs can lead to spiritual and social harm if left unexamined.
Christian theologians have long emphasised the need to evaluate culture in the light of scripture. For example, the Lausanne Covenant (1974) reads: “Every culture stands under the judgment of God’s Word.” While culture is a gift from God and can be a means of expressing faith, it must never override the authority of scripture or hinder obedience to God’s commands.
As Paul exhorted the Colossians, “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ” (Colossians 2:8). Traditions, when elevated above scripture, become idols, and even well-intended customs like lobola can lead to spiritual and social harm if left unexamined.
Pastoral and Missional Implications
As someone raised in a single-parent home, I have witnessed firsthand the effects of family fragmentation. While God is gracious, the absence of both parents in the home often brings emotional, spiritual, and economic strain. It is evident that strong, godly families are vital for individual flourishing and for the health of the wider society.
We can’t allow cultural or economic pressures to dissuade Christians from entering into marriage.
Tim and Kathy Keller, in their book The Meaning of Marriage, assert that, “marriage was designed by God to reflect the gospel.” If the church is to be a faithful witness to the world, we must ensure that marriage remains accessible, celebrated, and protected. We cannot allow cultural or economic pressures to dissuade Christian couples from entering into this covenant.
This issue is not theoretical for me. I am currently in a season where I desire to get married. But that desire is often met with the painful reality that I do not have the financial means to pay lobola. As a result, I am unable to be with the woman I truly long to serve God alongside. I am, of course, praying and trusting the Lord for his provision. But my dilemma isn’t unique, or even unusual. It is common for many young Christian couples in Africa.
A Call to the Church
So it is time for the Church—especially leaders, pastors, and elders—to address this issue with clarity, compassion, and biblical faithfulness. If we are serious about building strong families and discipling the next generation, we must be willing to challenge traditions that have drifted from their original purpose and now cause more harm than good.
Are we placing unnecessary burdens on our young people in the name of culture?
When faced with similar cultural pressures, the early church concluded that believers should not be burdened with requirements that were not commanded by God (Acts 15:10). Likewise, the Church in Africa today must ask: are we placing unnecessary burdens on our young people in the name of culture?
We must be both respectful of our heritage and resolute in our commitment to the gospel. Cultural identity should never come at the expense of obedience to Christ.
A Plea for Prayer and Reform
I write not in condemnation, but with hope. The gospel is powerful enough to transform every culture, including our own. So I appeal to the Church to engage in thoughtful, Bible-based dialogue about lobola and its impact on Christian marriage. I urge pastors to speak about this issue from the pulpit with biblical authority and cultural sensitivity. Finally, I ask all believers to join us in prayer for wisdom, for courage, and for the Spirit’s leading as we navigate what is a complex and deeply personal challenge.
I write not in condemnation, but with hope.
May we, as God’s people, be found faithful in upholding his design for marriage, and in doing so, may we bear witness to his goodness in a world desperate for truth and hope.
